Rewind. The flashbacks..Reminiscing
I remember the things we did, things we shared, the feelings we had, the joy and laughter, the tears we shared, the promising lies, the sweetest words ever told, the sweetest things I ever heard, the memories and the stolen moments.. reminiscing while my heart is breaking because I know that these things, they will never be the same again.
I miss the way we cuddle, I miss your touch, the feeling of being complete and contented whenever we were together, I miss the way you grab and hold my hand, how you would sit next to me if you had time to, the way you used to stare at me, the way you kiss my hand and the feeling of being so happy..
I was your exact opposite but we had one thing in common, though, we had it ONCE only. You are a person with a light complexion and I am tan-skinned. You are chubby and I am skinny. I talk too much and you talk less (but not when you are with your friends, doh!) for you are a silent type of person. You don't drink and I am a social drinker. I tried smoking and you never did all your life. You love guns and anything soldier-related things and I don't, I hate those things (doh!). I laugh too hard and you don't, you are not afraid of dogs and darkness and I am a scaredy-cat! And the thing we once had in common, the only thing which mattered most was our feelings for each other -- we loved each other but now it changed. I loved and I love you still but I know that you don't love me and you never will but maybe you did. Can I pretend? This is love suicide. It's unfair!
And I wonder.. will the sun ever shine again?
I think of how such a good feeling and such a good thing had to die too soon.
I'm stupid but I love being stupid for I keep on dreaming, wishing and hoping about us.. together again, making the most out of the "magic" and the dreams and plans we 'shared' together.. In a world where what mattered to me most was just us, just the two of us. You make me happy even without exerting any amount of effort, as long as you were there, I had you and you had me, we had each other. I loved you and you loved me too. I miss being in the world where I drowned myself with you lying in each other's arms, ignoring the world, not giving much attention to the people around us and what they thought of us, everything that surrounded us, they never mattered.. I want to be in that world again with you where I found contentment, I found happiness, I found a friend, I found a lover, I found comfort where I never found in the books I love reading and rereading, the Car Town application I got addicted to, the songs that meant so much to me, the iPod Touch I've been dying to have, Katy Perry's CDs I've been wishing to have and the cellphone I've been wanting to have all along, not even the choco sundae and the spicy chicken I love of Jollibee, not even KFC's Spicy Chicken I love to eat and the chicken from El Pollo Loco, not even Mister Donut's Donuts 'N Dip, Mitsubishi MonteroSport, Double Chocolaty Chip from Starbucks and the cheesy fries from Potato Corner I have been in love with, not even the t-shirts I love from Artwork, not even Roadside's lasagna, chocolate frosty and the I-have-always-loved Roasted beef with mushroom gravy and the flops from Havaianas and not even SpongeBob.
I remember the time when you had a 2-day vacation with your mom and you had to surrender your cellphone. The last text I got that day from you said "etc..etc.. I love you so much..etc etc.. I love you". I remember how much I missed you that it came to the point where while my cousin and I were strolling at the mall, as we roam around at the grocery store looking for Thousand Islands, I kept on imagining that you were with me, I kept on telling my cousin "humota ui, mura man ug scent ni T*****" and ignoring her "EWs, yucks" and her comments and when we were having our break from the stressful exam in Cara's, we had Chocolate Overdose which I considered the "comfort food" because I missed you badly and as eating it, I kept on dreaming that you were my date and not my cousin.
I remember the very first day you texted me, everything that you told me. I kept your texts in my inbox along with a single text from my grandmother saying "thank you" on my birthday (I'm not sure if Thank You was what she said though :P). I remember how I laugh at home where I looked really stupid (I laughed alone, doh! Who wouldn't look stupid?). I remember how I would smile when I remember you and me, the stuffs we do in school and us too. My mom would butt out "Naunsa ka?" and I would say with a sheepish smile "Wala, naa rakoy naremember.. akong classmate. kataw'anan kaayo HAHAHAHAHA :D" then I would laugh. I remember the time wherein you were sweating a lot and I was "panicking -- What's wrong? "Naunsa si O**? (I would ask him) Ok raka? (I would ask my classmates) Ok ra siya?" and I was doing everything I could to "help" and "comfort" you because you won't tell me what's going on.. and the times where I sulk, get mad at you and get jealous of your friends, FriendB, FriendC and especially with FriendG because you spend more time with them and the few next in line, Top Gun, Car Madness and Motorcycle Madness. I remember how it felt when you 'sent' me the "in-a-relationship" request here in facebook which I never confirmed and everyday, as I opened my account, I would always 'look' at that request, loving to 'stare' it. I remember how it felt like when you changed your name to "Omk T***** O** P*******" and profile picture and used a picture where I was there. I remember how it felt like when you 'used' my initials in your drawings in your test paper in TLE and the activity we had in CCP. I remember how you were so obsessed with me that you even drank the soda I was not able to finish, and I was obsessed with you too when I had your sling and my handkerchief back which was never laundered for days (though I wanted you to keep it), how I would always 'smell', 'kiss', 'embrace' and hold the sling and the handkerchief. I remember what you looked like and how 'mad' I was during English time where we had an activity done by pair and you asked if I had a partner and I said, 'yes'. I would love to think that you got disappointed with my answer though because we were not able to do it together.
And I close my eyes.. I dream and pretend and assume and lie to myself that in some other world and in some other time, you loved me, you cared and you felt the same way too..
Just us, just you and me, just the two of us, us and us alone, young and lost in love.. young and lost in love..
*Sorry sa REDUNDANCY. I'm not that good man gud pag-abot sa kanang tag-as na lol :)))))))
